A primary lesson I have learned through providing therapy for three decades is this: It is critical that who I’m assisting and for me as a provider to be clear about who we are before delving into the solutions being sought.
Gaining that information has been not only insightful but inspiring, and it supports our developing a clarified plan to accomplish the identified goals.
There is only one you. We need the fullness and richness of your unique personhood. From where have you come, where are you, what is your passion, why? The answers help us know each other.
One of my favorite verses encourages gaining clarity and awareness: Search me, O
God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
A brief list of indicators of a lack of identity:
We may lack confidence in setting emotional and physical boundaries
We rarely think about what is best for us or what we may want while resenting always taking care of others.
We may feel guilty or ashamed of making choices we believe are right for us.
We may have been valued primarily for our success and accomplishments and not for the unique person God designed us to be.
We avoid conflict like the plague and have a hard time saying no.
We simply lack a strong sense of who we are. No finger-pointing or blaming is necessary.
We exist in a messy world, and we’re each a little messy. However, life can be more loving, honest, fulfilling, exciting, and hopeful when we live it out of our God-designed authentic selves!
Let’s have some fun getting to know ourselves. Following is a list of questions that I encourage you to take your time answering. The answers may be just for you or something you choose to share and/or do together with a friend, spouse, group or mentor. Enjoy knowing the wonder of you!
What are my strengths?
What are my short-term and long-term goals?
What matters most to me and why?
What am I ashamed of?
What do I do for fun?
What activities am I interested in or willing to try?
What am I worried about?
What are my values?
What do I believe in (faith, social concerns, relationships)
Where do I feel safest?
What or who gives me comfort?
How do I care about others?
If I wasn’t afraid, I would ________________________.
My biggest accomplishment is ______________________.
What is my happiest memory?
What am I passionate about?
When I am feeling down or when I am stressed, I like to _____________________________.
What is my favorite book, movie, music, food, color, animal?
Who am I?
— Dr. Brent Gray, Clinical Director of Spanish River Counseling Center