Simple Strategies to Boost the Brain’s Natural Pain Reliever

Nearly everybody has heard of endorphins. They are well-known to be released during exercise, contributing to an overall feeling of happiness. Yet, these neurochemicals, which act as neurotransmitters in your nervous system and hormones in your circulatory system, are so much more. Endorphins play a critical role in relieving pain, enhancing pleasure, and helping to reduce inflammation and stress.

They are essential to your well-being. However, endorphins are not always maintained by the body at optimal levels, which can have adverse effects on your health. Among the mental health conditions associated with low levels of endorphins are anxiety, depression, impulsive behavior, and addiction, to name a few. Among the mental health conditions associated with low levels of endorphins are anxiety, depression, impulsive behavior, and addiction.

Here’s what you need to know about these remarkable neurochemicals, including ways to promote higher endorphin levels in your body to support and protect your overall wellness.

HOW ENDORPHINS WORK

In the 1970s, researchers discovered peptide molecules formed within the body (endogenous) that they believed to have morphine-like properties as they appeared to enhance pleasure, reduce stress, and relieve pain. They termed them endorphins (a combination of the words endogenous + morphine) because they acted on opioid receptors in the brain and nervous system. This is why you will sometimes see endorphins referred to as “endogenous opiates.”

Endorphins are released by your brain’s hypothalamus and pituitary gland in response to injury, pain, or severe stress. When they bind to opioid receptors (part of the endogenous opioid system that is responsible for regulating pain, reward, and addictive behaviors), other neurochemicals are affected, resulting in pain-relieving effects, pleasure, or euphoria, depending on the type of endorphin.

BENEFITS OF ENDORPHINS

The pain-relieving action from endorphins can sometimes be life-saving. For example, the fast-acting. Analgesic effects of endorphins are what would allow you to get out of a burning car despite having broken bones! As part of the reward system pathway, endorphin levels may increase and enhance pleasurable activities such as consuming delicious foods like chocolate, experiencing sexual pleasure, or getting lost in a beautiful piece of music.

Of course, endorphins can also kick in if your body is pushed to the limit—like when an athlete runs long distances. In such instances, endorphin levels go up, helping to quell inflammation, reduce pain, and uplift mood. You’ve probably heard of the “runner’s high.” Although research is ongoing to determine what causes it, the pain relief, anti-inflammatory influence, and dopamine release resulting from increasing endorphin levels are believed by medical experts to help create that good feeling. When you are feeling good, confidence levels go up!

MENTAL HEALTH CONSQUENCES OF LOW ENDORPHINS

Medical research has found genetic and non-genetic causes for endorphin deficiency. When people have low levels of endorphins, they are more likely to suffer from mood changes, depression, anxious feelings, difficulty sleeping, body aches and pain (including fibromyalgia and headaches). They are also much more vulnerable to addiction. Opioids such as heroin, fentanyl, and a number of prescription pain medications work on the same opioid receptors that endorphins do. However, they work faster and cause a much greater release of dopamine, and a more intense craving for more and more, which makes them extremely addictive—especially if your body is endorphin deficient to start with.

Interestingly, though, you can get addicted to endorphins. As pain releases endorphins, people who exhibit self-harm behaviors like cutting or even compulsive tattooing may be addicted to the resulting endorphin release from the pain, research indicates. Studies have additionally highlighted a link between increased levels of endorphins and exercise addiction. While there are addictive behaviors related to endorphin’s feel-good benefits, it is rare for your body to produce too many of them.

8 WAYS TO BALANCE YOUR ENDORPHINS AND BOOST IN WELL-BEING

Help your body to produce plenty of pain-relieving, pleasure-enhancing, feel-good endorphins with the following actions.

1. Exercise on a consistent basis.

Research has shown higher levels of endorphins in subjects who exercise regularly. Perhaps that’s why a 2021 study showed that participants who exercised regularly during the pandemic maintained a healthy mood!

2. Be of service to others.

Giving your time, service, or resources to help another may activate endorphins. Imaging research has shown that the reward centers of the brain light up when we give to others.

3. Practice yoga.

Yoga is a well-known stress reliever. One research review suggests that there’s a neuro-physiological correlation between yoga, pain, and endorphins and encourages further study.

4. Meditate.

Although not fully understood, research acknowledges a connection between meditation, elevated endorphin levels, reduced pain, and feelings of joy.

5. Enjoy spicy food.

There’s a reason so many people enjoy spicy food! Jalapeno and other chili peppers contain a compound called capsaicin, which research has found to trigger both pain and pleasure perceptions and the release of endorphins.

6. Eat dark chocolate.

Researchers know that consuming dark chocolate stimulates the release of endorphins, although it is not entirely clear why. One study theorizes that it is delicious palatability – the intense enjoyment of dark chocolate may trigger more good feelings!

7. Laugh more.

Do you know that fantastic feeling you get after a good, genuine laugh? Well, research shows that laughing triggers the release of endorphins – it’s the perfect therapy for low mood. You can watch a good comedy or spend time with people who make you laugh.

8. Get acupuncture.

Acupuncture and electroacupuncture have been accepted around the world as alternative medicine therapies for acute and chronic pain. Research has revealed that endorphins play a critical role in the pain relief electroacupuncture provides.

— Amen Clinics

The Importance of the Therapeutic Relationship

I often hear people say they’ve tried therapy before and got nothing out of it. They complain that they didn’t like their therapist, their therapist rubbed them the wrong way, or worse yet, their therapist was emotionless or even fell asleep. Clearly, they developed a bad taste for therapy. When that happens, it’s highly unfortunate because the individual then shoves their pain, discomfort, or suffering aside with the belief that therapy is useless.

Irvin D. Yalom, in his book “The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients,” says friendship between therapist and patient (at SRCC, we prefer “client”) is a necessary condition of closeness that promotes a means to an end. In other words, relationship is
essential to achieving progression and, ultimately, success. If a client doesn’t feel connected, it becomes difficult to trust and feel safe enough to open up. Revealing one’s innermost thoughts and feelings does not come easily. One wants to feel seen, heard, and understood, all the while sensing compassion,
care, and kindness. Experts say that therapy has nothing to do with the skills or techniques a
therapist uses. It has everything to do with a level of intimacy that endorses relation and collaboration. Think of the therapeutic relationship as one of the closest experienced because, let’s face it, it is. Your therapist may know your innermost secrets and/or what makes you tick. Research proves
therapy outcomes are predominantly based on the therapeutic alliance rather than the length or type of treatment.

How does one know if the therapist they’ve seen or are seeing is “the right fit”? Consider the same criteria you’d use when assessing a new romantic interest or potential best friend:

• Does this person listen attentively? Does he ask open-ended questions to motivate me to express myself?

• Does she present alternative options, ideas, approaches, interpretations, or perspectives?

• Does this person help me navigate versus take control of the wheel by promoting collaboration?

• Is she responsive and participative?

• Is he respectful?

• Is there genuineness? Empathy? Encouragement? Validation? Cooperation?

• Does your therapist set you with mutually agreeable goals or plans?

• Does he instill hope?

• Does she provide explanations and lay out expectations?

• Is there negotiation or flexibility present?

• Is he or she confident yet still honest, warm, and friendly?

• Does this person support unconditionally? (That doesn’t mean they
agree)

True, many of these qualities will not be present in the first couple of sessions. Therapy is a process that begins with the first contact between the two parties and continues through the last contact. Interactions are important, and so are first impressions. Often times a client will know right away about fit based on a gut feeling. Experts say that if, by the 5th session, there is still no connection, the fit may not be conducive to successful outcomes. A client is looking for a meeting the hearts (bond) and meeting of minds (goals and tasks) (“Highly Effective Therapy,” Len Sperry). Taking these points into consideration, if you have had a less than positive experience with therapy, will you be willing to try again with another therapist? You may just find the “right” one. Yalom says therapist and client are like fellow travelers who set out on a long and winding journey until their destination is completed. Wouldn’t it be comforting to have a beneficial sidekick and companion while taking that voyage?

— Jill Dagistino

Five Natural Ways to Calm Racing Thoughts

Have you ever had a succession of anxious, racing thoughts? Do they replay something you’ve said or done or fixate on a certain happening, person, or subject? Do you feel unable to control them? Do these thoughts interfere with your ability to function normally?

Racing thoughts — accelerated, often repetitive thought patterns about a particular topic or multiple topics— are a common symptom of mental health disorders such as bipolar disorder, ADD/ADHD, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and more. But they can happen to anyone in an anxious or stressed state.

Diaphragmatic breathing, or deep breathing, is a simple, powerful, and effective exercise that can help calm racing thoughts quickly.

If you struggle with racing thoughts, there’s good news. Research has shown a number of actions you can take to help calm your mind. When racing thoughts strike, take the following interventions out and use them as needed. Consider them part of your mental health toolkit.

5 WAYS TO CALM RACING THOUGHTS NATURALLY

1. Practice Diaphragmatic Breathing

Diaphragmatic breathing, or deep breathing, is a simple, powerful, and effective exercise that can help calm racing thoughts quickly. Controlled breathing has been shown to cause physiological changes that may include lowered blood pressure and heart rate, as well as reduced levels of stress hormones in the blood.

How does it work? Essentially, a series of deep breaths signals to your autonomic nervous system that you are safe, and it responds by shifting from the fight-or-flight response of your sympathetic nervous system to the relaxed, “rest-and-digest” response of the parasympathetic nervous system. This calms the mind as well as the body. Additionally, when you breathe deeply, your mind focuses on one thing instead of the thoughts running through your head.

In a 2017 study, subjects who practiced a deep breathing technique regularly showed significantly increased sustained attention, decreased negative mood, and lowered cortisol levels (a marker for stress and anxiety). A more recent review of three studies found evidence of the calming effects of deep breathing, such as slowed respiratory rate, lowered cortisol and blood pressure levels, as well as a reduction in perceived depression/anxiety/stress among participants.

Here’s a simple diaphragmatic breathing exercise most anyone can do:

1. Sit or lie comfortably, and close your eyes

2. Put one hand on your chest and one hand on your abdomen.

3. Inhale through your nose to the count of 4, feeling your abdomen expand.

4. Hold your breath for 2 seconds.

5. Exhale very slowly and steadily through your mouth for about 8 seconds. The mouth should be relaxed.

6. Hold your breath for 2 seconds.

7. Repeat 10 times.

2. Do Intense Physical Exercise

While most any kind of exercise will help boost mood, research suggests that intense exercise helps to make tryptophan, the precursor to serotonin, more available in the brain, therefore increasing serotonin levels. Greater levels of serotonin have a calming effect on racing thoughts. Running, cycling, and swimming are all great examples of intense exercise.

Exercise is also well-known to calm anxiety levels—one major driver of racing thoughts. A study that focused on exercise as a treatment for anxiety found that regular exercise (several times a week) over the long haul calmed anxiety the most. Compared with low-intensity activity, moderate and high-intensity exercise routines contributed to greater reductions in anxiety.

Intense exercise initially spikes the stress response in the body. However, research indicates that following physical activity, people experience lower levels of stress hormones such as cortisol and epinephrine, which may further explain its calming effects on the mind.

In addition, intense exercise increases blood flow to the brain, which supports better overall cognition, memory, and brain health, according to the American Psychological Association. The very act of getting out for a run or bike ride (always wear a helmet to protect your brain!) may also provide a great distraction from racing thoughts, loosening the grip they have over your mind.

3. Engage in a Positive Distraction

Speaking of distractions, research shows there’s a great stress-reduction benefit in getting distracted by hobbies or relaxing activities, such as music, dance, recreational sports, spending time in nature, and more.

A Chinese study showed that college students who took breaks to engage in such activities were able to access more solutions and new perspectives in dealing with stressors and problems. Racing thoughts can often limit perception and make things appear negative with few if any solutions. It appears finding a distraction can take one out of the narrow-minded, often negative view racing thoughts present.

The key though is for the distraction to be healthy or positive in nature. Additional examples of healthy distractions include activities like cooking or trying out a new recipe, watching a comedy show, listening to an interesting podcast, coloring in an adult coloring book, or playing with your pet.

4. Shift Your Focus by Journaling Positive Thoughts

For some people experiencing racing thoughts, directed writing can serve as a calming force. In fact, one study involving a population of anxious people showed positive outcomes were associated with an intervention called “positive affect journaling.” Participants logged onto a study website and wrote a journal entry for 15 minutes on positive affect prompts (e.g., What are you thankful for? What did someone else do for you?) The study found that this type of writing can serve as an “effective intervention for mitigating mental distress.”

5. Question Your Racing Thoughts

Additionally, writing down what you are thinking and feeling—even all the negative thoughts—can lead to greater calm. There’s a benefit from simply giving a voice to the worries and an even greater benefit if you take it a step further.

Take note of automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) in your writing. One easy way to recognize them is to look for common patterns. Look for “all or nothing” thinking when thoughts are either all good or all bad, or “always” thinking, characterized by words such as always and never, no one and everyone. These ANTs are usually untrue, and you can eliminate them by asking yourself the questions below. A study involving college students who suffered from distressing thoughts found reframing negative thoughts to be beneficial. These questions come from cognitive behavioral therapy and the work of Byron Katie:

1. Is it true?

2. Is it absolutely true—are you 100 % sure it is true?

3. How do you feel when you have the thought?

4. How would you feel if you didn’t have that thought?

5. Choose a new, kinder, more constructive, positive, and accurate thought and meditate on this new thought.

When racing thoughts run wild, seek professional health.

If racing thoughts are keeping you up at night or are occurring for more than a few weeks, it’s time to reach out to a mental health professional. If you have or believe you may have any of the above-mentioned mental health disorders, it’s essential to seek proper treatment to learn how to manage your mind.

Racing thoughts due to anxiety, OCD, and other mental health issues can’t wait. At Spanish River Counseling Center, we’re here for you. We offer therapy for adults, teens, children, and couples. Find out more by tapping here.

— Amen Clinics

Evaluating vs. Second Guessing

Evaluations are an important part of learning and knowing what changes to make in order to grow and mature. Second guessing usually involves feelings of guilt, regret, what if’s, self-condemnation, and… you get the idea, right?  

A lot of clients I work with are experts in second-guessing themselves. Taking a few minutes to recognize the difference between second-guessing and evaluating can be a game changer in how we manage what is happening in our minds. Our brains are hardwired to make connections and associations that will assist us in making smarter decisions in the future. 

Unfortunately, some of us have negative habits or self-talk that involve judging ourselves so harshly that we cannot pull anything positive out of past situations. The ability to evaluate ourselves, including things we said, did, or perhaps wanted to say or do, cannot only increase our self-awareness but also help us make different choices in the future.  

Here are some suggestions on how to evaluate instead of second guess:

• Recognize when we are second-guessing ourselves, which usually involves self-condemnation, guilt, regret, or resentment.

• Remember that second-guessing does not help us improve but rather increases anxiety, dread, or insecurity.

• Make a choice to use skills of evaluation in order to learn and improve

• Ask ourselves a series of questions with a mind of curiosity

• What did I do well, or would I do that the same way next time?

• What would I want to change or do differently?

• Was I in control of myself?

• Was I trying to control things outside of my control?

• What was I trying to learn, accomplish or get across?

• Did my words and actions align with my values or who I want to be?

• What was I thinking and feeling?

• Was I choosing to be right over valuing relationships?

• Were there any triggers, sensitivities, or vulnerabilities that impacted me?

These questions are not all-inclusive, nor are all of them necessary to have a healthy evaluation. However, they are a guide and tool to begin the process of learning how to evaluate ourselves in order to promote growth and maturity. These questions, when asked with curiosity and the right intent, are a great tool to assist others in the evaluation process. Helping our spouses and children learn how to navigate decision-making by using evaluation tools can be invaluable.

— Tracy Paulino, LMHC

Should We Use the Word Should?

American psychologist and founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) Albert Ellis wisely and humorously said, “Stop shoulding on yourself.” Logically, one can deduct then, based on Dr. Ellis’ remark, that the use of should is something to consider removing from our vocabulary. Doing so, however, is a tall order, as it has become ingrained in our comments to one another and ourselves:

• “You know what you should do?”

• “You should…”

• “Aw man, you should have…”

• “When I look back now, I probably should have…”

Well…you get the idea.

So, what is so “bad” about using should? Well, firstly, it implies a sense of judgment. If I tell myself I should do something, then I’m laying out the expectation of it actually being done, and if I don’t do it, then I’m falling short in some way. Eventually, with repeated use, we slowly eat away at our sense of esteem, especially if we fail to deliver on the “should.” It’s almost as if we begin to believe we can’t do anything right with our current knowledge. We consistently arm-chair quarterback or backseat drive. Neither is helpful.

When it comes to our interactions with others, using should give the impression that we are the experts on the other person’s life. That couldn’t be further from the truth. In all honesty, are we really even sure we’re the experts on our own lives? (After all, we’re second-guessing and undermining ourselves with our own shoulds, as was just explained). What gives us the idea that we know what’s best for someone else? And, just as should do to each of us individually, using should with others creates a sense that we’re superior and they’re inferior.

Looking back on a situation or a specific behavior and saying we should have done “this” instead of “that” also hints at disappointment or regret. Of course, it’s easy to look back with our current knowledge of knowing how things turned out. At the time of decision-making, we weren’t privy to the information learned along the way. We made choices in the past based on the facts staring directly at us. Hindsight is 20/20. Even though we more than likely set out to do our very best, it doesn’t always work out as we expected. That’s when we boldly state what should have been done, again implying failure and/or stupidity.

If using should is not appropriate or helpful, then what can take its place? Here are some replacement suggestions:

• Instead of remarking, “You know what you should do?”, try “Have you considered…”

• In place of “You should…”, say “It might be helpful if…”

• Substitute “Aw man, you should have…” with “It may have been more beneficial if…”

• Change “When I look back now, I probably should have…” to “Looking back, I may have found ____ to be more useful.”

Now that should’s meaning has been identified and highlighted, what should you do (pun intended) about using it? Even better yet, what would be more helpful? What would best benefit you or someone else? Use or replace it? Dr. Albert Ellis would repeat himself, “Stop shoulding on yourself”(and others) and set yourself free.

— Jill Dagistino, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Choices

We have choices to lean on God to be able to move forward. I have seen that once we realize that we are in a situation where we have a choice, we could either wallow in self-pity, or we could make the most of the time with that situation.  We do have a choice, and if we think positively, our lives will have so much more meaning because we make the best of what we have. Forgiving those who have hurt us also gives us peace.

I feel that many times we do not see God working even when He is right there by us. I have a client who is very negative, and she keeps saying that she does not feel God’s presence and she does not hear Him.  However, all she does is complain about her own negative thoughts. She refuses to do her part and wants everyone else to fix her, but she also refuses medication. I feel that if we walk around being negative and others feed from that negativity, it makes the world an awful place, we must spread positive vibes to reap positivity around us. For us to spread positivity, we need to focus on the positive things around us. I have no doubt that if we look hard enough, we can find things to be grateful and thankful for.  It may not always be easy, but we can do it. In every situation, God has seen our efforts and our part, so God will bless our efforts and I pray that the situation changes.

The scripture that comes to mind as I think of being positive is, Colossians 3:15, which says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful” (NIV). I believe that if we practice being thankful, then we will also be more positive and grateful.

— Dr. Norma S. Shearin, Ph. D., L.M.H.C.

9 Practical Ways to Diffuse Arguments With Your Spouse

1. Use “I” Statements

Leading with criticism is a surefire way to put your spouse on the defensive and decrease their willingness to engage in a meaningful discussion. Instead of blaming and pointing the finger at their behavior with “you” statements, use “I” statements and share how you are feeling, your perspective, and what you are needing.

Research shows that using “I” statements minimizes hostility and defensiveness—and leaves things open for discussion. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” say “I’m feeling unheard when I communicate with you.”

2. Be Respectful

To maintain emotional safety within our marriage, it’s critical to always be respectful, especially during an argument. It will keep things from escalating and improve your chances of resolving your conflict and repairing it. Respect is a foundational ingredient in healthy adult relationships. It is the opposite of contempt. You can feel angry, disagree, and even dislike your partner and still treat them with respect.

3. When Things Get Heated, Pause

When an argument spontaneously erupts and your emotions start running high, take a break until you gain composure and can discuss an issue with more equanimity. If you start raising your voice, that’s a good indicator that it is time to step away. Emotional dysregulation fuels arguments.

A confrontation or argument can trigger your stress response, sending you into fight or flight mode. When that happens, all bets are off in terms of working out a disagreement. Let your spouse know you need to step away to calm down and become more rational. You may need to take 10 or 20 minutes or more. It’s possible you’ll have to table the conversation for the rest of the day.

Taking time to think allows your body to settle down. Think about what your partner shared and see if you get some perspective on what’s really going on within you. Oftentimes an argument is about something deeper.

4. Put the Brakes on Negative Communication

Avoid the negative patterns of contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—or else you’re headed for doom. If you start using sarcasm or mean-spirited, cruel language, your spouse will likely feel belittled. Take it as an indicator that you need to go inside and figure out what is upsetting you. If you find yourself getting defensive and starting to justify yourself, your spouse will likely feel attacked, and an argument will probably escalate. Ask yourself why are you feeling defensive. If you feel compelled to shut down the conversation or leave the room, you may be stonewalling your partner to avoid conflict or hearing what they have to say. Instead of continuing with these destructive communication behaviors, pause and take a deep breath, maybe two. Choose a kinder, more respectful, and more constructive way to listen or communicate.

5. Have Empathy

Listen intently to what your spouse is saying and put yourself in their shoes. Try to gain perspective and understand their point of view. Empathy will often halt an argument because it changes its direction. You can’t argue when you get outside of yourself to understand your spouse’s distress.

At first, you may need to practice empathy by reflecting back on what your partner said and checking that you understood them accurately. Take care to understand their unique experience. Saying the words “I understand” can go a long way in promoting goodwill between you and your spouse.

6. Consider They May Be Right

Rather than combatting your spouse, take a different tack. Using the words “you may be right” can soften your spouse and even allow them to back off a bit. It takes listening to the next level as it signals you are willing to consider and be influenced by their perspective. Allowing your spouse’s feelings and needs to be considered in your decision-making and finding common ground allows you to both feel satisfied. It’s also a necessary ingredient in happy marriages, according to a study that followed 130 couples. The study found that when husbands could share power with their wives, by accepting some of their demands, it was critical for resolving conflict.

7. Own Your Part

When there’s a conflict with your spouse, take responsibility and look for the part you played in it. It’s never all one person’s fault. You may need to step away for a moment in order to do this. The simple words “I’m sorry,” sincerely expressed, can immediately stop an argument from continuing. But it has to be honest and heartfelt.

It might look like, “I have been stressed and overly sensitive lately. I feel terrible about being so critical and talking to you that way. I’m really sorry for overreacting and snapping at you.”

8. Do Not Bring Up Past Grievances

If you want to ensure an argument escalates, start bringing up past grievances—especially the ones that your partner has already expressed regret over and apologized for. Research has shown that when there’s no forgiveness, unresolved conflicts spill over into future arguments and create an unhealthy cycle. Forgiveness means that you stop punishing your spouse for former trespasses. If you refrain from bringing up the past in a current disagreement, you’ll have a better chance of resolving the conflict.

9. Don’t Take Everything Personally

We all have automatic negative thoughts (ANTs), and sometimes they can wreak havoc in our relationships. Of the thousands of thoughts, we have every day, many of them are not accurate, especially the negative ones! ANTs will spin lies about your spouse and you believe them, often without even realizing it. It’s very easy to look at your spouse’s behavior and make it a personal affront.

Question the stories you tell yourself about what your spouse is saying or doing. Ask yourself if you are certain that it is 100% true. You may have it wrong. You can get bent out of shape and start an argument when, in reality, their behavior likely has nothing to do with you.

Underlying Conditions

Of course, there are a number of brain health issues that can fuel conflict in marriages, including unresolved trauma, anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, and more. If you suspect a mental health condition is playing a role in your marital conflict, be sure to reach out to a professional.

— Amen Clinics

Positive Emotions Undo Negative Emotions

Have you ever experienced emotional pain and struggle? I believe that we can experience genuine and sincere positive emotions that can make coping with/combating negative or unpleasant emotions much easier to manage. I also believe that “Positive emotions undo negative emotions”.  Have you ever been upset and smiled anyway? When you do this long enough it actually tricks your brain into being happy! I have heard of this, I have tried it and it works. I do not remember where it came from, but I feel that it is a good thing to share, so that others can try it. I encourage my clients to try it in session and they too begin to laugh; especially when I ask them to see themselves in the mirror as they smile. One of the things that help to be more positive is to keep a positive/gratitude or prayer journal. When we look back at the journal we can see God’s hand, especially in the difficult moments.

The scripture that comes to mind is, Colossians 3:15, which says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful” (NIV). As we practice being thankful, it also brings joy into our lives helping us to be more positive and happier.

Watch this short video for more information!

— Dr. Norma S. Shearin, Ph. D., L.M.H.C.

Attention or Connection

“Every time you think a child’s behavior is “attention seeking” consider changing it to “connection seeking” and see how your perspective changes”.  - Jody Carrington

So how do you do that with annoying behaviors? Ignore the negative behavior and look for the minute your child does a positive behavior. Then swoop in and seek to connect with your child for positive behavior. Do this and watch the negative behavior drift away. Still having trouble? Please feel free to call us.

— Carrie Ellis, LMHC

The 2 Most Effective Treatment Options for Anxiety

Although anxiety is the most common mental health condition in the U.S., the 40 million people who struggle with it can tell you it’s much more than being stressed out and worried about something. With symptoms that range from apprehension, fear, worry, and dread to chest pain, a racing heart, dizziness, and chronic muscle tension, untreated anxiety disorders can significantly interfere with the ability to achieve goals, be socially engaged, and fully enjoy life.

Fortunately, there are some very effective therapeutic treatment options that can make a world of difference in reducing or eliminating symptoms. Here are two of the most notable ones.

Treating Anxiety with EMDR

Otherwise known as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, this method of treatment is commonly used for posttraumatic stress disorder. However, EMDR can also be very effective for other disorders, including anxiety conditions. A systematic review published in Frontiers in Psychology found that multiple studies showed EMDR is helpful for people who have generalized or social anxiety disorders, panic disorder, and agoraphobia, as well as other phobic conditions.

Unlike most types of psychotherapy, EMDR does not require as much talking about frightening, painful, or anxiety-provoking memories—although these issues are certainly addressed. After building rapport and discussing present concerns with a psychotherapist, usually over the course of a few sessions, the EMDR phase of treatment will begin. This method involves thinking about a specific experience while you either hold a pulsating device in each hand or watch a therapist move two fingers back and forth while you visually track the movements.

This technique, known as bilateral (both sides) hemispheric stimulation, reduces the emotional charge of a memory that has gotten “stuck” in the brain. People often find significant relief from their anxiety symptoms, sometimes after just a few sessions.

Treating Anxiety with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most well-studied therapeutic modalities and has been found to be effective for a wide array of mental health conditions, including anxiety disorders. Research has shown it can be very useful for reducing symptoms of worry that plague this condition. The basic premise of CBT is that our thoughts and beliefs directly impact our emotions, which in turn leads to behavior choices. In other words, what we think about a situation directly affects the way we feel about it and then what we do in response to those feelings.

But here’s the catch. Just because we think a certain way about an event doesn’t mean it’s true. You don’t have to believe every thought you have. Sometimes our thoughts lie to us and make us miserable. However, most people go with the first thing that pops into their head in response to something, and they don’t really consider alternative explanations. And multiple people will view the same objective event in different ways based on their own automatic thoughts. For those who struggle with anxiety disorders, these thoughts usually cause distressing and fearful emotions such as feeling nervous, scared, or worried.

How CBT Calms Anxious Thoughts

During CBT treatment, a therapist will help you identify the thoughts that drive anxiety symptoms, and one at a time, practice examining them to discover alternative ways of thinking about particular situations. This process isn’t intended to change a negative experience into a positive one, but rather it is about learning to have more accurate and realistic thoughts in response to something.

Borrowing from CBT and the works of Byron Katie, you can eliminate the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) that bring you down and exacerbate mental health symptoms. Here’s an example of how this works:

Anxiety-provoking situation: You have been tasked at work to lead a group presentation.

ANT: I will look like a complete idiot and failure if I screw this up in any way. (thus causing triggering an anxious response in your mind)

With this ANT in mind, ask yourself the following 5 questions:

• Is it true? Is it true that if you make any mistakes in the presentation, everyone will think you’re a complete idiot and a failure?

• Is it absolutely true—with 100% certainty?

• How do you feel when you have the thought that making any mistakes will be totally demoralizing and catastrophic for you?

• How would you feel if you didn’t have that thought?

• For this last question, turn around the ANT to its opposite: If I make any mistakes, my colleagues are not going to suddenly see me as some kind of foolish failure. Everyone makes mistakes at times. Is this new thought more accurate than the ANT that made you feel so anxious about having to give the presentation?

Working through these 5 questions with the ANTs that elevate anxiety requires some practice, so try it whenever you have a thought that makes you feel anxious, worried, or fearful. With practice, you will find that questioning your thoughts teaches you to think more accurately, which then reduces the distress caused by unchallenged automatic negative thoughts.

Lifestyle Changes to Help Reduce Anxiety

In addition to the therapies described above, there are some things you can do to help minimize anxious moments in day-to-day life. They won’t cost you a thing but can make a big difference in how you feel.

• Exercise regularly.

Not only is this a great way to get your mind off your worries and lift your spirits, but it also helps lower stress hormones like cortisol which tend to be higher in those who struggle with anxiety.

• Watch what you eat.

Some comfort foods—think sugar and high-glycemic foods—make you feel good at the moment, but they increase anxiety in the long run. This is because they rapidly increase your blood sugar level, but later cause it to crash—and when it does, it can lead to feeling jittery, irritable, and fatigued. In addition, research has found that artificial sweeteners, like aspartame, can elevate cortisol and trigger anxiety symptoms.

• Practice belly breathing.

Also called diaphragmatic breathing, this simple strategy is a very effective way to mitigate anxious feelings. To discern the difference between breathing with your diaphragm rather than your chest (which most people do when they feel nervous), put your hand on your belly, and as you inhale, notice that your hand moves out, and when you exhale, it moves in toward your spine. Once you get the hang of it, practice this pattern:

• Inhale for 3 to 4 seconds, and pause

• Exhale for 6 to 8 seconds, and pause

• Repeat 10 times

This type of breathing is a natural way to calm your nervous system anywhere, at any time.

There’s no question that suffering from anxiety can feel overwhelming and uncontrollable, and without effective treatment, it can lead to many challenges in life. However, taking the needed steps to reach out to a licensed mental health practitioner to help you work through your symptoms often opens the door to feeling healthier and more balanced so that everyday living can become more enjoyable and fulfilling.

— Amen Clinics

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Many of us grew up in difficult environments and we learn to compare ourselves to others. I once heard that if you have a beautiful thing and you compare it to anything else, that would be the easiest way to ruin it or destroy it. We are not to compare to anyone or anything because we are beautifully made and created in God’s image. As soon as we compare up or down, we lose track of who we are and who we were created to be. I believe that when you put yourself down and believe what others say, you poison your mind and it makes it hard to see the positive. Once you have achieved destroying your own image, it is very difficult to overcome it. However, with God, all things are possible and anyone can overcome the negative voices that took them to that place.  It is important to see yourself for what and who God sees you to be, not how the world may see you because you are worth dying for. 

The scripture that comes to mind as I type this post is, Genesis 1:27, which says, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (NIV). We are created in God’s image and that makes us unique and beautiful. God does not make mistakes and He loves each one of us as we are.

— Dr. Norma S. Shearin, Ph. D., L.M.H.C.

Empathy

Those of us who have a strong empathic gift tend to instinctively want to “show” the other we deeply understand their feelings and they are not alone. I never share a story because I am trying to hijack the conversation - it is almost always because I am trying to connect with the other person and demonstrate empathy. But this behavior can sometimes get misconstrued as one trying to “make it about you” (and don’t get me wrong, some individuals do hijack conversations and make it about them).

That being said, there is a time and place to share your own stories and sometimes it is more appropriate to sit back and just listen. Alternatively, if you tend to do this, you may want to ask for consent first, i.e., “Do you mind if I share a similar experience, or do you need more time to vent? I want you to be able to express whatever you need to today”. Anyway, a reminder to try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Most helper types are just trying to connect to your experience and help you feel supported when they share relevant personal stories.

— Shannan Cason, Psy.D.

Intensity is NOT Intimacy

This was a big life lesson. Many of us trade the intimacy we crave for intensity - which is not always healthy. Intense feelings or intense early chemistry does NOT mean “this is my soulmate”- more often than not, intensity in early dating is a red flag… No, I don’t want you to be bored on a date, but there is a middle, balanced, healthy ground. Healthy long-term relationships are more of a “slow burn” with moments of passion and intensity but are overall characterized by grounded, balanced, peacefulness, and nervous system safety. If you are feeling intense and off-kilter a lot, especially early in dating, it is much more likely you are confusing nervous system dysregulation (“fight or flight”) for sexual arousal/attraction. Learn to tune inward and ask- do I like this person? Does my nervous system feel safe and grounded around them? This can feel “boring” for those of you used to toxic/abusive/unhealthy rollercoaster relationships. But with time and intentional work, you can learn to see “boring” as actually “safe, grounded, and healthy”.

— Shannan Cason, Psy.D.

Self-perception

Self-perception is the idea we have of ourselves, our characteristics, and the assessments we have of those characteristics. We are all flawed in certain areas of our lives and we tend to self-evaluate, for some of us, it is mostly at an unconscious level. Have you ever done a self-evaluation? It can be difficult to do self-evaluations and look back at who we were before Christ and who we are not. It takes real focus and effort to be able to self-evaluate without having a bias.  How old were you when you became aware of your self-concept?

We need to remember whose we are, not just who we are. We belong to an amazing God who paid an expensive and painful price for us when Jesus went to the cross to bring us to Himself. We need to remember that in Him, we are now a new creation and there is no more condemnation as we forgive ourselves and let go of our negative self-perceptions.

The scripture that comes to mind is Psalm 139:14, which says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" (NIV).  God is amazing and He made us special and unique.  We should always remember that well.

— Dr. Norma S. Shearin, Ph. D., L.M.H.C.

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Play More

According to research by Dr. Karyn Purvis, scientists have discovered that it takes approximately 400 repetitions to create a new synapse in the brain unless it is done in play, in which case it only takes 10 to 20 repetitions.

So, play more with your kids. You don’t know how to play? No problem! Join for a session or two and learn ways to play and engage with your children. Most likely you had them to enjoy them. So, play with them and reduce your stress and theirs. Still, finding it difficult? Please give us a call for some one-on-one coaching. 

— Carrie Ellis, LMHC

The 5-minute Daily Playtime Ritual That Can Get Your Kids to Listen Better

Do you remember what it was like to be a kid? So much of the day was directed by adults. Wake up. Get dressed. Brush your teeth. Eat your breakfast. Get in the car. Go to school.

Sometimes kids listen to the instructions — and sometimes they don't. And when they don't, that can be very frustrating for parents.

So how can parents get their kids to be more apt to comply? It might sound counterintuitive, but one strategy widely recommended by children's health professionals is to engage your child in short, daily sessions of child-led play.

Called "special time," it gives young children a chance to interact with their parents without the stress of having to follow directions — which in turn, strengthens the bond between them, says Roger Harrison, a pediatric psychologist with Nemours Children's Health in Wilmington, Del.

"Special time increases opportunities for closeness between a parent and child. As that attachment is building, it increases the likelihood that a child is going to listen or value what a parent has to say," he says.

The concept, developed by psychologist Sheila Eyberg in the 1970s, is simple. For at least 5 minutes a day, sit down with your child and join them in an activity. That includes drawing, playing with dolls, building blocks — anything that doesn't have a right or wrong way to play (like video games), says child psychologist Kerrie Murphy. Don't ask questions or give commands — this is your child's time to be in charge.

Research has shown that this kind of playtime can be helpful in treating disruptive conduct in children. According to a 2017 review of literature, parent-child interaction therapy — which includes special time — has long been regarded as an "effective intervention for a myriad of emotional and behavioral difficulties" since it was developed in the 1970s. And it's been shown to boost attention spans and social skills in children.

If you're ready to try special time with your child, read the handy guide below.

Follow 'PRIDE' when doing special time

Researchers developed the acronym "PRIDE" to help parents and caretakers remember the tenets of child-led play when engaging in special time. These actions encourage adults to follow their child's lead, provide positive attention and ignore minor acts of disobedience, with the goal of reinforcing appropriate behaviors. Keep these directives in mind as you play with your child.

P: Praise

Give your child specific praise as you play together. "Rather than saying 'good job,' because kids hear that all day long," says Harrison, "say 'I love the way you stack those blocks high.' " Focus on behaviors you want to see more of and provide positive affirmation. For example, if you see a child encouraging you to dress up a doll first, then going second, you might say: "Thank you for letting me take a turn."

R: Reflect

As your child plays, verbally repeat back some of what they say. "If they say 'and it crashes,' I'm going to say 'and it crashes,' " explains Harrison. The repetition shows your child you understand them and that you're listening. Focus especially on talk you'd like to hear more of. For example, if they say, "I'm reading a book!" you might say, "you're reading a book!"

I: Imitate

Join your child in parallel play. If they are stacking Legos, you stack Legos. If they are making dots on paper with a crayon, you make dots on paper with a crayon. This shows your child you're playing with them.

If they don't want you to imitate them, they'll let you know. "They're going to give me an instruction, and during special time I am going to follow that instruction," says Harrison. "Children don't feel enough power in a world that's dominated by adult demands. This might mean little to you as the parent, but it means the world to a child to have you join them this way. That is what makes special time therapeutic."

D: Describe

Narrate what your child is doing as though you're a sportscaster calling a game, says Harrison. And remember, sportscasters don't "coach the game or tell the players what to do. They describe what they're seeing for an audience."

So when you're sitting with your child, go ahead and describe their activity. For example, if your child puts an orange block on top of their tower, you might say, "You just put an orange block on top of your tall tower!" Again, this demonstrates your interest in their actions.

E: Enthusiasm

Show enthusiasm while playing with your child by smiling, clapping or using your words to express you're having a good time. So if you see that they completed a puzzle or dressed up their doll, you might say, "Wow, you dressed your doll in such bright colors! I had so much fun picking this outfit out with you!" and give them a high five.

What matters, says Harrison, is that you're "authentically communicating verbally and non-verbally to your child that you're interested and excited to be with them."

The best toys and activities for special time

Play with toys that encourage imagination or creativity, says Harrison. That includes blocks, magnetic tiles, trucks, train sets, kitchen and play food — and simple arts and crafts like drawing or coloring with crayons.

Steer clear from toys or activities that have a lot of rules, such as board games, or lend themselves to rough or messy play, like pretend sword-fighting or painting, says Murphy. The idea is to avoid situations where you might have to explain directions or tell your child to "be careful," she adds.

Who should do special time?

Special time is recommended for children ages 2 to 7. Each caregiver in the household — mom, dad, grandma, uncle, whoever — should take turns doing special time with each child at home, says Murphy. That way, each child has a chance to receive positive attention from the adults in their life. And remember, it's a one-on-one treatment, so if you have two kids, don't lump their special time together.

How long to do special time — and when?

Harrison recommends doing at least 5 minutes of special time with your child at least four times a week and making it part of a daily routine, perhaps a little before bedtime to help your child relax.

And keep in mind, says Murphy, the practice often feels awkward for adults at first. But give it a week or two, and you'll find that your child won't "want it to end. That's proof in the pudding right there."

— Becky Harlan

The Alarming Statistics on Mental Health

On June 17th of this year, the World Health Organization (WHO) released its most extensive review of the world’s mental health since the turn of the century. Here is what the report found:

• In 2019, nearly a billion people, including 14% of teens, were living with a mental disorder

• Suicide accounted for more than 1 in 100 deaths

• 58% of suicides occurred before the age of 50

• Mental disorders are the leading cause of disability, causing 1 in 6 years lived with a disability

• People with severe mental health conditions die on average 10 to 20 years earlier than the general population, primarily due to preventable physical diseases that stem from psychological symptoms

• Childhood sexual abuse and bullying victimization are significant causes of depression

• Social and economic inequalities, public health emergencies, war, and the climate crisis are among the global, structural threats to mental health

• Depression and anxiety went up by more than 25% in the first year of the pandemic alone

Additional reports from December 2020 to January 2021 found the following percentages of individuals reporting suffering from anxiety and/or depressive disorders:

• Anxiety 35.8%

• Depression 28.4%

• Both anxiety and depressive disorders 41.1%

Broken down by age group, the U.S. Census Bureau/Kaiser Family Foundation discovered the percentages of those affirming depressive disorders to be as follows:

• 18-24 years of age 56.2%

• 25-49 48.9%

• 50-64 39.1%

• 65+ 29.3%

For 2022 to date, national statistics show that Florida ranks smack dab in the middle of U.S. states, sandwiched between New Jersey at #1 and Colorado at #50 with the prevalence of mental illness and rates of access to care. That means that NJ has the lowest prevalence of mental health and the highest rate of access to care for adults. Conversely, CO has the highest prevalence of mental health and the lowest rates of access to care. This statistic is for adults. For youth, Florida comes in at #30, with Pennsylvania in the #1 spot and Nevada last.

The W.H.O. hones in on U.S. statistics for adults, highlighting the following:

• 19.86% of adults are experiencing a mental illness. Equivalent to nearly 50 million Americans

• 4.91% are experiencing a severe mental illness

• The percentage of adults reporting serious thoughts of suicide is 4.58%. The estimated number of adults with serious suicidal thoughts is over 11.4 million - an increase of 664,000 people from last year's data set

• The national rate of adults experiencing suicidal ideation has increased every year since 2011-2012.

For youth (ages 12-17), the following data was discovered for 2022:

• 15.08% of youth (age 12-17) report suffering from at least one major depressive episode (MDE) in the past year

• Childhood depression is more likely to persist into adulthood if gone untreated

• The number of youths experiencing depression increased by 306,000 (1.24%) from last year's data set.

As a therapist, I do not take these statistics lightly. In fact, I interpret them — as I would imagine all of my peers would — as motivation to do our jobs as professionally, thoroughly, compassionately, and intently as possible to reach more people. Unfortunately, over half (56%) of adults with a mental illness receive no treatment, which translates to over 27 million individuals going untreated. Of youth, 60.3% with major depression do not receive any mental health treatment. Even among the states with the greatest access for youth, 1 in 3 youth are still not receiving the mental health services they need.

How this translates for us as Floridians is alarming. Florida is tied with Georgia in the 49th and 50th positions, ranking only behind Hawaii, with 63.5% of adults not getting help. This is 7.6% worse than the national average. For youth, Florida comes in at #45 with 67.3% of youth not receiving any treatment. 

Clearly, there is room for improvement. W.H.O. recently redefined its mental health awareness goals to include clear-cut strategies to reach more youth and adults. They include increasing the number of counselors, therapists, and clinicians and preserving access to telehealth services that proved their usefulness and effectiveness during the pandemic. 

The Spanish River Counseling Center has an entire staff of therapists, male and female, ranging in age and specialty, with a variety of scheduling options. Telehealth services (phone or video cam) are also provided to add convenience and flexibility. Therapist profiles are available on the center’s website, which can be accessed via www.spanishrivercounseling.com or by going to the church website and clicking on the “care and support” tab, where you’ll see the link for the center’s home page. New client forms can be submitted via the website or by speaking with one of our caring and supportive team members. If you or someone you know needs help, there is a high likelihood of finding the “right” fit to create a therapeutic relationship that will facilitate connection and positive change. Let us help. It would be our honor.

— Jill Dagistino

What is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) is a special psychotherapeutic technique that can be a very powerful treatment for people who have been emotionally traumatized. EMDR therapy uses eye movements or other alternate hemisphere stimulation to remove the emotional charges of traumatic memories.

As part of EMDR therapy sessions, a therapist may direct you to hold specific memories in mind while tracking the therapist’s hand as it moves back and forth across your field of vision. Diverting your attention in this way while you recall a traumatic event has been found to minimize the emotional response connected to the memory. Researchers believe the therapy activates mechanisms in the brain that help you process the memory and distressing emotions.

Processing Traumatic Memories in the Brain

The brain is naturally wired to help us recover from traumatic events and distressing memories. The healing process involves communication between a variety of brain regions, such as the hippocampus (memory-making center), amygdala (fear center), and prefrontal cortex (behavior center). In some people, however, events can be so traumatic it disrupts the normal flow of neural communication and memories get stuck, making you can feel like you are frozen in time. EMDR helps you get unstuck by restoring the communication process.

What Research Shows About EMDR

Numerous studies show that EMDR therapy offers benefits for emotional trauma and PTSD that typically take years to achieve in psychotherapy alone. A 2014 review of the existing research indicates that 24 randomized controlled studies point to benefits from EMDR treatment for emotional trauma and adverse life events. This review also showed that in some studies, 84% to 90% of people who have experienced a single trauma found relief from PTSD symptoms after just 3 EMDR sessions that lasted 90 minutes each.

In a controlled study by Kaiser Permanente, 67 individuals who had experienced trauma were assigned either to standard care treatment or EMDR. Compared to standard care, the EMDR group showed significantly more improvement on measures of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. In a subsequent study from the same team at Kaiser Permanente, follow-ups on the original study participants at 3 months and 6 months showed that improvements from EMDR had been maintained. The authors concluded that long-lasting benefits can be achieved with relatively few EMDR sessions.

Based on this growing body of research, the American Psychiatric Association and the Department of Veterans Affairs have recognized EMDR therapy as an effective treatment for PTSD. A growing body of research on EMDR therapy shows promising results in its effectiveness for other conditions, such as depression, addictions, and more.

Who Can Benefit from EMDR?

EMDR is primarily used to treat people suffering from emotional trauma, but it may also be beneficial for people struggling with other problems. According to the EMDR International Association, practitioners currently use EMDR therapy to address a wide array of issues, including but not limited to:

• PTSD

• Depression

• Bipolar disorder

• Anxiety

• Panic attacks

• Phobias

• Substance abuse

• Eating disorders

• Dissociative disorders

• Personality disorders

• Grief

What’s Involved in EMDR Therapy?

EMDR therapy involves 8 phases that incorporate a variety of elements. It includes looking at past memories, current triggers, and skills and behaviors that can help you in the future.

Phase 1:  History and Treatment Planning

A therapist will review your history, identify specific memories to target, and create a treatment plan.

Phase 2: Preparation

The therapist will share several techniques to help you cope with any emotional distress that may arise during treatment.

Phases 3: Assessment

During this portion of the treatment, you will be directed to identify 3 things associated with the targeted memory to be processed:

• a visual image related to the memory

• a negative belief about yourself

• any physical bodily sensations associated with the memory

Phase 4: Desensitization

As you hold these things in mind, the EMDR processing begins. After the therapist performs the hand movements or other stimulation, you will be asked to let your mind go blank. Then you may either return to continue processing that same memory or move on to process other memories.

Phase 5: Installation

Here you replace the negative belief you had about yourself with a positive belief. For example, a victim of assault may go from believing “I am powerless” to believing “I am in control.”

Phase 6: Body Scan

During this phase, your therapist will work with you to resolve any remaining physical tension or bodily sensations related to the memory.

Phase 7: Closure

The therapist will ensure that at the end of each session, you feel better than when it started. Your therapist will also provide you with strategies to help you handle any distressing emotions that come up in between sessions and will ask you to maintain a journal where you write down any issues that arise.

Phase 8: Reevaluation

At each session, you and your therapist will assess your progress so far and adjust your treatment plan as needed.

Steven’s EMDR Story

To help you understand how EMDR can work for emotional trauma like PTSD, take a look at Steven’s story.

Steven, a 33-year-old bicycle repair mechanic working in Santa Monica, California, took an early lunch on a summer day in 2003 and walked to the local farmer’s market. Within minutes, disaster struck when an 87-year-old man lost control of his car and barreled through the throngs of people at the market. The car was headed straight for Steven, who later said, “I thought he was going to run over my legs…I thought I would lose my legs.”

At the last possible moment, Steven was able to jump out of the way, but 10 people were killed and more than 50 were injured. Traumatized, Steven went back to work.  But for months, he couldn’t sleep, and he shook constantly. As in the case of most people who develop PTSD, the Santa Monica farmer’s market disaster was not Steven’s only trauma. He grew up in a severely abusive alcoholic home and also faced death as a tank commander during the Gulf War.

Steven decided to undergo an evaluation and EMDR therapy as a component of his treatment. As part of his assessment, Steven underwent 3 brain scans using brain SPECT imaging technology—before treatment, during his first EMDR session, and after 8 hours of EDMR treatments.

Initially, his brain scan showed a diamond pattern that is often seen in PTSD, with an overactive limbic area, basal ganglia, and anterior cingulate. Then with the help of a trained EMDR therapist, Steven began clearing out the traumas—one by one. His brain actually showed benefit during the first treatment and was markedly improved after only 8 hours of treatment. Steven’s shaking had subsided, and he felt significantly better. With EMDR, Steven was able to change his brain and change his life for the better.

— Amen Clinics

When They Don’t Call Anymore

We have all heard of empty nest syndrome – when the last child leaves home, and then the parents experience symptoms of depression. Most people probably do not take this too seriously – at least not until you are the one caught in its throes. It can cause significant symptoms of depression and negative emotions for some. Not surprisingly, there is a fair amount of solid research on this topic. I would like to share that with you. But first, one story:

When my son ran on his high school cross-country team, I used to go watch practices. This is a true example of over-parenting. Cross-country practice consists of the team going off on a run and coming back. Not much to watch. Weirdly, parents attending practice was a thing at my son’s school. The boys and girls’ team practiced together and they had won states on many occasions. Therefore, practices were actually a time for parents to gather, socialize and congratulate themselves on what healthy kids they had raised. One day a mom came to watch practice. However, her son had already graduated and was off at college – she missed him and just wanted to connect with what used to be. I found this strange but had a sneaking suspicion that one day I just might be there myself. I have no idea if she suffered from empty nest syndrome, but I have great empathy for what the loss of parenting experiences could mean for the parent.

THE RESEARCH

The research makes it clear – not everyone whose children leave the nest experience empty nest syndrome.  In fact, research shows that some parents have the opposite effect. Marriages and life satisfaction improve when the last child leaves home. Plus, empty nest syndrome seems to mainly affect traditional family structures – where one parent – usually the mom, has invested her life and, to some extent, her identity in being the child’s parent. In such cases, significant negative emotions may result. My own research found that symptoms of depression were worse in two situations; when the parenting style was more permissive (the parent was more of a friend to the child than an authority figure), and when the parent was single when the last child left home.

THE GOOD NEWS

The good news is that empty nest syndrome can be mitigated by regular communication. Having healthy contact with your child when they leave home for college, work, or the military is key. Healthy contact is the optimal word. Some parents overdo it and some should be more proactive. When a child leaves the nest – they need a chance to actually leave. They need to learn to make their own decisions without mom and dad. As a college professor, I have seen students who talk to their parents three times a day. I think that is too much.  Children are loaned to us by God and we need to encourage them to develop their own lives since we will not always be able to be there for them.  I think parents also need to be careful regarding tracking their children on their phones. This should only be done with their permission, or if there are particular safety concerns.  We never tracked our children at college, but our children let their siblings track them in case there was an emergency. The amount of expected contact is just one more thing that should be discussed when your children leave the nest. Overkill can lead to greater anxiety for our children and that will backfire on the parents (see my blog post on estrangement).

GENDER DIFFERENCES

There will be gender differences. Boys simply do not communicate as much when they leave the nest.  Expectations should be lower for boys. A single mom’s son attended the same college as my daughter.  That mom would call my wife about once a month to see if my daughter could let her know what was happening with her son – who never called her. Too much contact can lead to problems but no contact is not acceptable. Usually, parents have some leverage – they are helping pay for school, housing, or insurance. In these cases, parents should stipulate that ongoing support will be dependent on a weekly phone call of at least ten minutes.

SUMMARY

In summary, empty nest syndrome affects a minority of parents when they launch their last child.  If it affects you, negative emotions are very real.  Communication is a key factor. Parents should have a conversation with their children regarding the frequency of communication. Finally, if you suffer from empty nest syndrome, remember that God never forgets His children. This is promised to all of us in Isaiah 49:15, 16. Feel free to contact me, Don McCulloch, Ph.D., for counseling or consultation related to empty nest syndrome.

— Dr. Don McCulloch, Ph.D.

Caregiver Burnout: Symptoms and Strategies to Calm Stress

Taking care of someone with a disability, chronic illness, or other health condition that requires full-time support is an honorable role to undertake. And whether it is done out of love or a sense of obligation, being a caregiver can be both rewarding and overwhelming. It can also lead to emotional and physical burnout.

For example, in addition to raising a child with special needs, parents are faced with challenges specific to the unique cognitive or physical functioning differences their child has. Research has found that stress is a significant concern for those raising a child with a developmental disability, such as autism. Taking care of a spouse or family member with Alzheimer’s disease—or another type of dementia—can be distressing and difficult. A study in Current Psychiatry Reports has shown that it can lead to an increased risk for depression and cardiovascular disease in caregivers. Having an older parent who is chronically ill can be emotionally taxing and shift the normal parent/child dynamic when the parent becomes the dependent one.

Do You Have Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout?

Although there are many benefits that come from a person’s commitment to being a caregiver for a loved one—a sense of fulfillment, devotion, kindness, and responsibility—the work can be very draining at times. Stressors can accumulate and burnout can set in, making symptoms like these become apparent:

• Physical and emotional fatigue

• Increased impatience with your loved one

• Lowered resistance to colds and other bugs

• Moodiness and being more irritable

• Loss of satisfaction from the caregiving role or feeling resentful about it

• Insomnia, sleeping too much, or not getting restful sleep

• Ignoring your own needs

• Lack of interest in activities and other things you would normally enjoy

• Feeling hopeless, powerless, or worried about the future

8 WAYS TO HEAL FROM CAREGIVER BURNOUT AND STRESS

When burnout symptoms take over, it’s much harder to function in an already demanding role, in addition to other important responsibilities you have. Fortunately, there are some straightforward and accessible strategies you can use to recover your mental, emotional, and physical vitality so that your life is in better balance again.

1. Recruit others to help you.

Carrying the weight of all the responsibilities can wear you down pretty quickly. Some people might not ask for help because they are overly protective of their loved ones or they might think it implies they are somehow shirking their responsibilities. The reality is, though, that if you are burned out, you are less effective in taking care of those who need you. Asking trusted friends, family members, or trained volunteers to cover for you—even if it’s only for an hour or two a day—can give you some much-needed time to yourself.

2. Focus on the things within your power.

Having a loved one with a permanent disability, chronic illness, or neurodegenerative disease can naturally make you worry about the future because there is often a lot of unpredictability ahead. Rather than fretting about what you cannot control, focus on the day-to-day things you do have control over.

3. Spend time with friends.

It’s so important not to isolate yourself from friends, even if you’re feeling down. Getting out of your caregiving orbit and spending time with people you enjoy can re-energize your emotional outlook and lift your spirits.

4. Schedule a visit with your doctor.

It’s easy to find reasons to put off your own health concerns when you are taking care of someone whose mental or physical problems are very serious. However, if you don’t prioritize your health, it can make it much harder to carry out your responsibilities. Therefore, it’s crucial for your own well-being to stay on top of medical and dental appointments—and commit to keeping them.

5. Reach out for professional support.

If you suspect you may have depression, or you’re really struggling with caregiver stress, get help. Having a compassionate counselor to talk with about your struggles, the complex feelings you may have, and other challenges in your life can help you process and make sense of them. Psychotherapy can also make you more aware of your triggers and develop healthier coping strategies for getting through difficult moments. In addition, online or in-person caregiver support groups provide the opportunity to connect with others who are dealing with some of the same issues you are—and let you know that you are not alone.

6. Write down your thoughts.

A journal can be an effective and quick way to discharge your frustrations, fears, grief, worries, and other emotions swirling around your head. When you write down exactly how you feel, it can diffuse the intensity of those feelings and give you some relief. A personal journal helps you be honest with yourself, which can feel liberating. If you have concerns about anyone reading it, keep it in a locked drawer to protect your privacy.

7. Make time for exercise.

Even if you can only squeeze in 10 minutes at a time, physical activity is one of the best ways to help manage your stress. Walking, swimming, gardening, doing yoga—or whatever type of exercise you enjoy—can reduce tension and promote the release of feel-good brain chemicals that elevate your mood and help you feel calmer. Regular exercise can also improve the quality of your sleep.

8. Eat a healthier diet.

When you’re emotionally and physically overwhelmed, it can be easy to reach for comfort foods, especially ones that are high in sugar and processed oils. While they might taste good at the moment, they can cause your blood sugar to crash, increase inflammation, and make you feel more stressed and irritable. Have fresh fruit on hand for when you need a sweet treat. And to help keep fatigue, depression, and anxiety at bay, eat a balanced diet that includes:

• Plenty of fresh produce in a rainbow of colors

• Clean protein, such as grass-fed beef or bison, and organic, free-range poultry

• Foods high in omega-3 fatty acids like trout, salmon and other cold-water fish, walnuts, and chia and flax seeds

• Mood-boosting spices, such as saffron, turmeric, cinnamon, and rosemary

ATTENTION, CAREGIVERS: DON’T FORGET TO HONOR YOURSELF

The everyday effort and challenges you face as a caregiver are a sign of your strength, tenacity, and spiritual generosity. Even if your loved one cannot show you their appreciation, remind yourself about all the good you are doing, the reasons you care, and why you took on this demanding role. Making your mental and physical health a priority will help you get through the inherent difficulties of the purposeful work you are doing to help someone who means a lot to you.

— Amen Clinics